Coming Out to Dad

Me: "Dad, I'm gay"

Dad: "Yea no sh*t, just look at yourself"

He actually said that. I mean, There's no way that my dad would've ever thought that I was straight because he knew that I was into crossdressing, was never into sports, and also because I looked oddly feminine compared to most boys my age. 

As previously said, "Coming out, based on my experience, is just a matter of luck. By all means, you're either lucky to have an accepting parents, or you're unlucky to have ones that would bash you for being yourself. But either way, you are who you are, and that can't be changed. It's not guaranteed that a parent would always be accepting of who you are, but you do need to let them know that you're a daughter and not a son at one point in life "

Coming out to my dad was probably one of the things that I feared for the longest time. Mainly because he's literally a boomer, born in the year 1950. Even when I came out to my mom as “gay” when I was 14, she said "let's not tell your dad yet", and we kept it a secret until recent, and I'm 17 now. 

One of the things that especially made me hesitant was the response I got from him when I asked him "what would you do if I was gay". 14 year old me was scared of coming out to my dad, but wanted to know what he thinks about the people who are a part of the LGBT+. So I decided to ask him series of negative "what if" questions, with one of them being "what if I was gay". Aren’t I smart? *chuckles*

Here's how I did it:

My dad really cares about the type of education I get. He wanted me to attend one of the prestigious Japanese private highschool, and I was studying for the entrance exam at that time. My dad had a lot of hope in me, since I was one of the top student at that time. And I was quite confident about my ability as well. One night, I was just having some casual conversation with my dad and I said "haha what if I don't get accepted to that highschool" and he said "then I'd be very upset". Again, I kept asking him negative "what if questions". Probably about 12-13 with one of them was "what if I was gay". When I finally asked him, he responded with "then I'd disown you, haha".  I kept my fake smile and laughed along with him, but on the inside, I was like "hoolyyy sh*tt... I'm f*cked..." I felt devastated that night. But little did I know that he just said it out of impulse, and he probably didn’t actually mean it.

Recently, when I told my dad "I want to be seen as a woman" he didn't care as long as I kept my shit together and didn't become a sex worker (not that there's anything wrong with that). By all means, he wanted me to do well in school, go to a good college, graduate, get a proper job, be able to pay for my own bills with little to no debts, and live happily. Not that these things are necessary, but those are some of the expectations that he had for me and he didn't want me to go down the path of "self harm". And since it is my belief that there are nothing wrong with doing good in school or going to college, or whatever that my dad wanted me to do, I decided to fulfill my dad's wish by doing my best in school, and working on doing the things in my dad’s list.

Not everyone is like my dad. Some may be more accepting, and some may not. Either way, as I said in my previous post, "it's always important to remain calm and never be hostile against your parents. If you're sure that your parents aren't accepting, maybe it is best not to jump right into the conclusion. And instead, maybe talk about the history and/or many others who are part of the LGBT+ that became successful. For me, I pointed out about one of the teachers from my school who recently transitioned, and few of the students from my school who are also transgender as well. Letting your parents know that we are normal and there are a lot more people like us may bring relief for your parent. It's not guaranteed, but that's definitely something that you could do."