Coming Out to Mom

Coming out, based on my experience, is just a matter of luck. By all means, you're either lucky to have an accepting parents, or you're unlucky to have ones that would bash you for being yourself. But either way, you are who you are, and that can't be changed. It's not guaranteed that a parent would always be accepting of who you are, but you do need to let them know that you're a daughter and not a son at one point in life. 

For me, I first came out as homosexual when I was 14. One summer day, I said "mom, I think I like boys more than girls".  She thought that I was just bicurious at first. Even during the time I was dating a boy, and I specifically told her that I had a boyfriend. She just thought that him and I were just really, really close friends who had a lot in common. Maybe I should've told her that he ****** me, and then ******* and then I ***** and **** **** **** with him. Maybe that might've helped her understand more... or not because that could've triggered her panic disorder. Anyways, she never really believed that I was gay until I was around 16 years old. She was very denial about it, and that could be the case for you too. 

My mom grew up in Japan 3/4 of her life. In a country where being part of the LGBT+ was fairly accepted, but still considered a taboo. It's a taboo because many people simply don't understand or favor the concept of "switching" genders. When in reality, we're just trying to be ourselves. It's a hard concept for many to understand, for those who didn't go through the same psychological struggles that we had to go through. And we need to respect that, because we can't expect anyone to already know our experiences. Because for majority of the people, it's something that they never had to go through. Nevertheless, it is never right for anyone to bash us for who we are. However, if we encounter those who doesn't understand us, we need to kindly explain and teach them to accept us instead of being hostile. My mom didn't understand what I had to go through. Therefore, she thought it was a phase. As well as being a little denial because she had her own sense of what's considered an "ideal son". A son who is smart, athletic, muscular, tall, and handsome. But I said "I'm sorry mom, but f*ck your ideal son". No, I didn't actually say that, but come on, she's out here trying to raise a hunky stud. You should never let anyone tell you how you should live your life unless you're putting others into an account. 

Half way through my 16th year of living, I told my mom I wanted to be seen as a girl. I told her I was uncomfortable with my body, my voice, and the role that I have in society. And she finally understood. She definitely wasn't happy, and she seemed rather upset. Mainly because she was worried about my health. According to what she had heard, she was convinced that HRT is extremely detrimental to health. Despite of the fact that there are numerous evidences out there that proves that it is relatively harmless. She also didn't want me to go suffer through all the surgeries, which is understandable. In short words, she cared about me. I gave her some time to really do some research and to think about it. And after two whole months, she finally understood my side, and allowed me to transition. Now, she gives me some of her old clothes, her cosmetics, or even goes out to do some shopping with me. But for some reason, she doesn't seem as happy as she says to me. I feel like her smile is fake, and deep down, I feel like she still feels a little upset. I can tell that she is still a bit worried, but I feel like she's becoming more accepting as the days progresses. Or maybe I’m just worrying too much.

I am lucky enough to have a fairly accepting parent. But that may not be the case for you. You might have a super duper accepting parent who's familiar with people like us and who truly accepts you. Or, you might have a parent who would be devastated by who you are. But it's always important to remain calm and never be hostile against your parents. If you're sure that your parents aren't accepting, maybe it is best not to jump right into the conclusion. And instead, maybe talk about the history and/or many others who are part of the LGBT+ that became successful. For me, I pointed out about one of the teachers from my school who recently transitioned, and few of the students in my school who are also transgender as well. Letting your parents know that we are normal and there are a lot more people like us may being relief for your parent. It's not guaranteed, but that's definitely something that you could do.