Gender Dysphoria (my experience)

Me in kindergarten: dressing up in a princess costume and playing tea time with the girls. My role was always the mother or wife. I know it's an interesting role to have for a child. But 5 year old me was oddly into playing a role of a strong, independent woman. But aside from that, I liked being cute. I liked cute stuff in general, and I still do. I enjoyed dressing up because I enjoyed the feeling of being in flared skirts, because it made me feel cute. It just made me feel right, probably because I would see other girls wear them in kindergarten and it was quite appealing. And also in my favorite TV show, Pretty Cure (2006), and all the Disney movie that my mom would show me. Society made skirts and flared bottom a "girly" thing, and because it was "girly", I liked them. Because I felt like that's what distinguished us aside from the boys. So I wore them, because I wanted to be cute... just like the girls around me. 

During my childhood, I remember my mom trying to make me boy-ish as much as possible. She made me play sports, watch powerrangers, and etc. Anything she could think of that makes boys become boys. And sure I enjoyed all those things, but I preferred love stories over action, and reading books than playing sports. I preferred something that allowed me to fit in with the girls more than the factors that identified me as a boy. I've always wanted to be seen as a girl until I was about 7 years old. So I had a fairly long hair and wore some clothes with vibrant pastel colors. I used to be happy when my mom and I go to shopping and some aunties say "aww, your daughter is so adorable!" or when anybody used a "she/her" pronouns to me. My mom would always correct them by telling them my assigned gender, and that used to make me upset. Haircut days were the worst days for me.